Today I’m at a writers’ day in Frome, I haven’t manage to read since I had morning sickness let alone write, but we started with some wild writing and the minute or two minutes we were given to do some Wild Writing following one line given to us just wasn’t enough, I wanted to continue, I wanted to keep going with this thing called an ‘idea’ that had entered my head but before I’d even picked up speed we were on to the next thing. This is to warm up our minds and creativity but I was so slow to start I just have fragments from my mind. But, they’re from my mind! They’re new and interesting thoughts that could potentially develop into something if they could do a warm up for concentration.
Everyone’s now writing but I’m writing this, because my mind isn’t focused on an idea, but it has the benefit of not being focused on my 14 month old. Well, that’s not entirely true I’m finding myself wondering what she’s doing and if she’s okay – of course she is, she’s with her other mother! I feel a little detached doing something for myself, guilty to be finding out who I am again. I could surround myself in her, day in, day out, and I’d be satisfied but she will grow older and not need me as much and then where would I be left? Without me. I’d have to dig back 15 years to find me and I’m not sure what I’d find in 15 years’ time. So, I’m digging back 14, maybe 23, months to find me and be me and when I grow and flourish as a person with interest, I can help my daughter grow and flourish as she finds her interests.
Edit – reading back through reminds me of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQK9Ufr4yrY Take care of YOU, first!
The theory is great…but…I should go and try to write something for myself. I found a 20,000 word story on my computer from Nanowrimo 2012, I never thought I’d got that far with something, anything! So I’m already ahead of where I think I am. I just can’t remember what I’ve done or what I wanted to do. I’ll never be able to bring to life that feeling I had when my daughter was born so writing now feels useless to me.
Emotions are unobtainable and I find them hard to express in real life why do I think I’ll be able to do it on the page.
This is getting negative…I’m off to write!
Look 413 words, I can do this! Easy! (So could you!)
Frances with an e 