This morning I got up early (yes I know it’s Sunday but I’ve never denied that little bit of crazy in me) to do a yoga workout. This is going to be part of my new regime – Saturday and Wednesday mornings get up a little earlier and just do a 20 minute yoga routine. Nothing strenuous, just moving and flowing through the poses and not worrying about what people think about me, but feeling more at one with my body. So, the observant amongst you will notice that I already failed on day 1 of my new routine because today is Sunday not Saturday. Saturday morning was not my friend!
But today I woke up, felt determined and did my twenty minutes of yoga. It made me feel extremely unfit and a little bit shit about myself. I used to be flexible and dancing full-time and now I’m a borderline cripple because of how much pain my back gives me.
However I know the rational: I haven’t done any exercise for nearly 6 months and want to feel healthy again and we recognise the feeling when we start exercising again that we feel inept whilst doing it but that we will feel good afterwards. We also know that each time we do the twenty minutes of yoga it will get a little bit easier each time. Or rather:
http://www.pinterest.com/pin/107171666107603734/
Just taking these really small steps I know will head me in the right direction and I recognise this.
But why can’t I think this way with my writing? Why do I expect to sit down for an hour and have a novel at the end of it? Why do I beat myself up for not writing enough? I started this blog many moons ago because, on some level, I knew that writing something, writing ANYTHING would be like these twenty-minute morning workouts. I haven’t been able to get into my writing room for a while and I need my space to write but I need to get back in the habit. One of my favourite times of year is NaNoWriMo, not because I’m writing anything profound or more exciting than usual, my writing is usually much worse quality, but I’m doing it for half an hour to an hour each day. This is sacred time and will work towards a greater whole. I just lack the discipline, energy and time to make this a daily part of my life.
This blog can be seen as procrastination, or as a warm-up. I don’t want to include negativity, there is already too much in me, so thanks for reading my warm-up and I hope to share a more complete part of me one day.
I suppose I’m just reminding myself that little and often wins the race. Beating yourself up will stop you running at all.
Frances with an e 